Frustrated by yet another roadblock on their 61-year journey for statehood, Palestine has declared a new Intifada--on the Guinness Book of World Records.Recently a Palestinian baker from the West Bank city of Nablus set a world record for the largest knafeh ever made: 1350 kilos and 150 square meters of sweet, cheesy, pistachioed goodness. (Despite the testimony of Israeli settlers, it seems that this knafeh was not intended to be their housewarming gift.)
And a blind Ramallah civil servant named Mohamed Hashem is believed to hold the world record for most telephone numbers memorized: 80,000 phone numbers. (Since Ramallah only has a population of 30,000, we can assume that the rest of the phone numbers Mr. Hashem has committed to memory are of the 50,000 Israeli settlers who live within shouting distance of his house.)
With the surge in national pride owing to these record-breaking achievements, the Palestinian Ministry of Ambiguous Bureaucracy has announced a new campaign to verify other Palestinian-held world records, including:
- Most number of Israeli settlers spotted in one day building houses on your land;
- Most number of Israeli checkpoints established on your roads the day after they promised to dismantle them;
- Least number of times confusing the word 'outpost' with the words 'patently illegal settlement';
- Most number of times saying 'We told you so' about Benjamin Netanyahu;
- Longest interruption in a semi-professional soccer league owing to conflict with Israel;
- Most mathematically impossible ratio of Google News hits to the number of times being in the news actually ended the illegal occupation of your country.
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